Autism and the ‘little’ things

Thursday afternoon an email was sent around work. An email that everyone else shrugged at. It explained that the women’s toilets on our floor were out of order and instead we were to use the upstairs toilets.

I stared at the email as I processed it. I had never gone up to the next floor. The last time this happened I was living in Chester and could walk home at lunch time to use my own toilet. Thursday wouldn’t be a problem; it was already mid-afternoon. The problem would come Friday. I was already making plans to skip my morning cup of tea and just avoid needing to use the toilet. While others read and shrugged at the email; I started to panic.

Nine times out of ten autism is in the small things. It is the things that others find so easy, that throw me into a panic. I thought about raising it with my director the next morning. I already had a meeting planned with her. All I would need was someone to walk me upstairs and show me where the toilets were. I cannot venture into unknown places. That barrier must be broken with someone. But she is a director, she shouldn’t be showing me where the toilets are. I felt pathetic.

I woke up Friday morning and froze. My morning routine is to walk into the kitchen to flick the kettle on before going into the bathroom. My kettle is loud, and I don’t like being in the kitchen while it goes off. I knew it would mess up my routine not to have that cup of tea, as well as likely give me a headache. Yes, I am that reliant on my morning cup of tea.

I focused on the song playing from the phone in my pocket. I wake up and turn on music. I listen to music every second of every day (that I can). I am hooked on a song that I’ve been listening to on repeat. I listened to every part of the song and thought it might just be enough to help me get up the stairs at work.

I had the cup of tea. I walked up the first set of stairs and didn’t stop to think. I kept going. I focused on the song and found my way to the toilets. I didn’t realise they would be laid out exactly the same, so that was a welcome surprise.

To most people none of this is a big deal. But you know what? I walked back down those stairs damn proud of what I had achieved.

Autism is often in the ‘little’ things. It can make it that much harder to ask for help. It can make overcoming them harder to celebrate.

Stop to celebrate. The ‘little’ things really aren’t that little at all.

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